I’M NOT SAD TODAY. and I hope this lovely movement continues. <3 <3
Throughout my life, I’ve battled more than once with intense bouts of depression. Almost always, these were times I struggled through on my own, out of fear of the reactions of friends and family. Recently, after a particularly miserable second semester of school, when my entire world seemed pointless and I couldn’t see any hope in my future, I decided to finally exert some effort and figure out what the hell was going on with me and what I could do to fix it. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed as bi-polar. This means, basically, that I cycle between depression and mania. At it’s peak, the highs can be nearly as bad as the lows. Essentially, I live for the days when I’m hovering between those two extremes. My moods are never easy to control, but when I’m at a middle point, I actually feel normal.
I’m still struggling to accept this diagnosis, but I am also determined to overcome it. On my own. (well, with help from friends and a lovely therapist) Without medication. For as long as I can.
Yes, I have my bad days. But it hasn’t beaten me yet. I’m not going to let “bi-polar” become a label. It’s just an aspect of my larger self that I have to grapple with.
Right now, I’m alright.
Today, I’m not sad. :o)